I can easily hide behind a blog or a Facebook status. I am very outgoing..with people I know. It's like a chess match when I meet you. I am already doing a few things. I am looking for the nearest exit or I'm waiting to see if you can surprise me by saying something witty. Chances are that you are not, so I'm bailing. Me and my lovely bride have been together for nearly 8 years and it just dawned on her that I am an Introvert of sorts. She is quite opposite. We like to keep up with the old saying that opposites attract. My wife enjoys meeting new people and conversing with people she just met. I, on the other hand, consider it a beating. I am cordial, or at least I think I am before I get the debriefing later on from my wife. I am 100% certain that all couples receive a debriefing once they are away from the people they just met. I am certain that couples have left my presence and have asked themselves, "What just happened?" I don't get nervous speaking to big crowds, or giving a presentation to a room of Managers, or even speaking my mind to anyone, anywhere, anytime. I have shared my testimony to a handful of churches, and I don't mind keeping to myself. I say that I could be happy on an Island, just as long as I could bring my wife. I once asked my wife how she would like to live in England while I worked as an Air Traffic Controller. She asked me for how long and my response to her was "Forever." She didn't like that idea very much.
I have prayed many, many, many times for the strength to forgive. My dad has been dead for over 13 years, and I still struggle forgiving him for the stuff he did. What's up with that? Me and my wife raised my sisters son for over a year, and I had to go to court in Virginia about the whole ordeal. The court granted my sister a second chance, but it was more like the 20th chance. We sent him packing, placed him on a plane, and watched my daughter cry and cry on our drive home. I was depressed for about 2 weeks, and guess what? I still haven't forgiven her, nor have I spoken to her since then. Harsh? Sure. Right? Probably not. I'm sure some of you struggle with forgiving others too, and I want you to know that I'm right there with you. I also struggle with guilt. If I make a mistake while raising our children, I let it eat at me until I over analyze it and try to make it better. The same thing will happen if I upset my wife. However, if I upset someone else, I brush it off and never think about it again. Now that is strange, am I right?
I am not perfect, but I do love Jesus. At least I haven't killed a man, so I can get his wife and knock her up like King David did. And God still said that David was a "Man after [Gods] own heart." That is what gets me through some rough spots when the shadows of my past try to bring me down. Some of you don't know that there is a battle going on right now over you. There are only 2 places you go when you die...Heaven or Hell. And there is a battle going on right now over your soul. Kind of mind blowing, isn't it? I mean, really. Come on now. That's crazy talk. Well, it isn't. Have you been somewhere and had a crazy thought run through your head and if you ever told someone about it you'd probably wind up in jail or a crazy house? Ever been hit by guilt that it has almost taken your breath away? Ever lose your mind and yell and hurt someone you have loved? Has envy crept up on you like a shadow? Ever get jealous because someone has a bigger house, a nicer car, a better job, better clothes, closer friends, a better vacation than you have? Ever look at some church members and in your mind knocked them down so low in order to make yourself feel good? Have you tried to compare yourself to the Super Parents who appear to have it all together? Have you feared stepping out in faith?
I'm not a perfect parent, a husband, or friend. My parenting style is one of "Let them get hurt. They'll learn." This is just an example of why a mom and dad are important. My wife is a mother and a comforter, meaning that if the kids run to her, she will comfort them and make them do it again. My kids will fall and hurt themselves and bleed and run to mommy to get fixed and bandaged up. If mommy isn't around, they know they better get up and rub some dirt on it, because ain't no one got time for that. I can also see the difference from girl children to boy children. My daughter is super smart. Sometimes, when you speak to her, you forget she is a child. She is very articulate, neat, clean and for the most part she is proper. She is a deep thinker and an analyzer. Then comes my son. He is nothing like that. He eats anything. Dirt, rocks, grass. If I don't pick up that dog poop quick enough in the back yard, he will gravitate towards it and wants to play in it. If my daughter builds a work of art out of blocks, the boy will take on the role of Godzilla. He runs into walls, he randomly hits his head, and all he thinks about is cars, football, baseball, basketball, and superheros. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but I believe that boy children only have 2 brain cells. The "Do the right thing" cell, and the "Do the wrong thing" cell. I'm 33 and I know that these 2 brain cells will creep up every now and then and take over all other senses. Don't get me wrong, I love each one of my kids equally. Like I told my daughter, I don't love my right arm more than my left arm. I love them equally.
I have a love/hate relationship going on with Texas right now and it is base solely on Weather. I love Texas from about October to May. I hate Texas from June-September. Have you ever seen something spontaneously combust? I have. I have seen birds and cars and humans burst into flames in the middle of Summer of Texas. If the temps were Highs in the 80's and Lows in the uppers 50's-Low 60's year 'round, that would make me very happy. I miss the beach. But have zero desire of going back to Va. Beach. ZERO.
People who grew up in one place and happen to still live there confuses me. But that's because I left for the military as soon as I could. I know that those who stay have a good relationship with their family, and that probably makes it easy for them. When I am around family, I have a BEST BY date attached to me, and it isn't that long. When I was stationed in Germany, I wanted to live as far away from Base as I could so I could enjoy and learn the culture. I consider those that whine because they live 300 miles away from family a big cry baby. I want to make the crying sound...waa, waa...and tell them to man up. Dudes I went through Boot Camp with cried in their bunks at night because they were away from their family, and it annoyed me. One, because they woke me up, and Two, these were dudes that were suppose to look danger in the face and fight. There are some things I miss about the military, like never having to worry about what to wear since I had to wear BDU''s all the time, and the structure and toughness of the military. Civilians confuse me and they whine and feel entitled. What makes you feel entitled? Would you be willing to take a bullet for this great country?
Here's something that I really like to banter with church folk about. The Sabbath Day. What day is the Sabbath Day? Some have actually said I shouldn't work on Sunday. Where in the Bible does it say that the Sabbath in on Sunday? I know that God rested on the 7th day. What if you're Sunday is actually on Wednesday? I know that there were men in the military in the Bible. What if they were fighting on Sunday and Monday was there day off? Anyways, that's just a rabbit hole I went down. There are other things that "Religious" people will try to argue. But it's not about Religion, it's about having a Relationship with Christ. Go sell that Religion stuff somewhere else.
I guess in all of this, I just wanted to say that I had no direction for this Blog post. I just wanted to write something, and if you happened to read all of it, then God Bless your soul. This may be 5 minutes of reading that you'll never get back in your life. And that makes me giggle a little bit. Just be real. Don't try to be like that parent who you think has it all together, because I'm here to tell you, they don't. I can't be 100% certain, but I'm willing to bet your paycheck on it. Don't believe what everyone posts on Facebook. Hardly anyone posts the bad stuff on Facebook. Maybe I should create a website and call it Dramabook, where all "To good to be true" Facebook posts are sucked up into the Vortex of Happiness. Don't be afraid to apologize and ask for forgiveness. It's a humbling experience to ask your child to forgive you. Don't give up if you're struggling to forgive. Heck, I still struggle, but I don't give up in prayer and and changing my attitude. Don't be afraid to fail, and Don't yell at your kids for making a mistake. They are just kids. And if you have a boy child....I wish you luck because you will need a special strength from God. Be real, because you don't want the Pastor to lie about your life when you die.
The Clouse....who has more to say, but I suddenly got bored. And PS: I didn't proof read this, so all grammar and writing mistakes are legit.
