I sense a theme....

  I just did a quick review of blogs that I have written in the past.  Some of them are written about my past and the abuse and the hurt.  Others are just blogs of random bantering that I have with myself when I sit down and write.  But as i re-read some of them, I sense a theme of unforgivness.  Apparently spell check didn't think that unforgivness is a word.  It is today.  Do you have any idea how often I talk to God and tell Him that I have forgiven my parents? No? Well the answer is a lot.  My dad was a jerk.  There are many words I could use, but jerk will do.  He was abusive, both verbally and physically.  He was an alcoholic. He did drugs. He was unfair and unjust.  Now, there may have been some good memories of him, but the really bad memories have choked out the good ones.  My dad died when I was 20 year, and I don't recall shedding a tear.  I remember the pain and the hurt and the nightmares I had after his death, but I didn't cry.

  I have promised myself to be a better father to my kids than my dad was to me and my sisters.  I have promised myself that I will not be an alcoholic or be the type of dad he was to me.  Why do I tell you all this?  It's because of unforgiveness.  I share this because maybe you have unforgivness in your heart.  I struggle with forgiving both my parents, but I can speak with authority on this....you can learn even from a bad example.  My mom might read this, and I am ok with it.  She knows what we grew up with and the environment we lived in, and she knows she could have done more, but I want MY family history to be different, and it already is.

  Who have you not forgiven?  It's hard to forgive but we are all called to do it.  Trust me.  I have done better with letting go of some of the hurt and pain.  I tell people to let go and give it to God.  Is it hypocritical for me to say that and not do it?  Maybe.  But, it's a true statement and something that I must do.  But we aren't called to do it alone.  First, I have a Father who does love me and does care. Secondly, I have a wife who loves me and supports me.  Next, I have a small close knit group of friends I vent to and know pray for me, and last but not least, I have a church that is full of sinners and hypocrites that are struggling along with me.  But that church is full of grace, and love, and respect, and patience, and comedians, and friends, and there is power in numbers.

  I don't want to have to keep writing a blog about how crappy my growing up was.  It was crappy, so let's move on, Clouse.  I want to write about Freedom and about Forgiveness and about what Christ is doing and will do.  But I write this to tell you if you haven't forgiven someone, I understand.  It can take time.  My dad has been dead for almost 14 years now, and I still struggle.  My mom is still alive, and I still struggle with forgiving her. I hold on to the unforgivness like it's a pet or something.  We MUST forgive.  We are CALLED to forgive.  I'll pray for you and you pray for me.  There is power in numbers.

In Him,
Clouse

 

(Insert Witty Comment Here)

   Why have a blog if I don't post anything to it?  Well, because.  That's why.  Actually, the real reason is that I don't know why.  It's not because I have a lack of ideas or thoughts.  Some of those ideas and thoughts may actually be thought provoking.  Maybe it's because I am a husband and a father of two kids under the age of 8.  Any parent out there knows what I mean by that.  You come home after a hard day of work, and as soon as you walk through that door, your kids are vying for your attention and wanting to play.  That's when you brain starts to scream, "Stop thinking.  Just go lie down. You know you want to."  Oh, and you think my job is tough?  My wife is a "stay at home mom".  Translation? That means she is a Saint.  God touched my wife on the head and blessed her with patience that knows no bounds.  Trust me on this because she is also married to me which means she has an abundance of patience.

   Now, I don't have anything really interesting to say tonight.  Maybe it's because when the kids start their bedtime ritual, my mind starts to think "FREEEDDOOOM!"  It's like William Wallace all up in this house but with Duck Dynasty reruns playing on the TV in the background.  Now, don't get the wrong idea.  I love my kids.  I love them a lot. But there are days that I count down to bedtime.  I'm sure many parents have felt like this from time to time.

This is the first post of 2014.  I figured I better start the year off right, on Feb. 3.  Besides, some people at work have been creeping around my blog so I decided to write a little something something for them.

In Him,
Jimmy