6 months of sheer madness.

Have you ever sat around and said to yourself, "That is brilliant!!  I really should share that."  Well, that happened to me a few times but I forgot what I wanted to share.  However, I did complete my one and only semester at TCU.  Yay Horned Frogs!!  Thank you to all the tax payers who paid for my GI Bill.  I should also thank myself since my taxes too paid for it.  I found my semester at TCU to be very eye opening.  As someone who had nothing to lose or gain by attending, I was able to attend classes and not stress about getting a paper done on time or what grade I would get.  I was a free man walking on campus.  I made an observation while attending classes.  If you want to corrupt a person, and want to influence the path of society, become a Professor and teach whatever you want to share.  These "kids" in these classes just sat there and never questioned the teachings of their professors even though the teaching may be incorrect.  They just drank the Kool-aid and blindly nodded yes.  These "kids" never questioned when a Professor said they didn't believe in God or shared some political idea that they, the Professor, thought was a great idea.  Needless to say, I did not sit idly by.  I had no problem questioning the Professors or asking why they believed what they believed.  I wasn't rude.  I wasn't mean.  I was however forceful in my beliefs and my love for my country.  As you might imagine, I was the teacher's pet.  Ha!  I was probably more like a thorn in their side. I say that that was my only semester at TCU, not because of the teachings, but because of my schedule.  I was a whipped dog when the semester ended.  Between rotating shift work, taking Jurnee to school, Husband and Father obligations, and just life in general, that is why I will not be going back.  I have 12 months of GI Bill benefits, I already have my Masters degree and there is no need to kill myself with a crazy schedule.

Jurnee completed Kindergarten.  I got a little choked up her last day, but I really think it was just allergies that was bothering me.  I'm not really a sensitive guy, just ask my wife, but for some reason I start getting this weird feeling in my chest and eyes when it comes to my wife and kids. My kids are growing up way to fast.  Jurnee also started gymnastics and is loving it.  Every day I try my best to be a good dad and husband.  I will say that I need to do a better job at "living in the now."

Work has been busy the past month.  It's severe weather season which translates into a busy day at work. 

Miriam is doing her mommy thang.  I don't know how she does it.  Seriously.  How does she do it?

Talon is getting big, dangerous, and just an all around boy.  I like it.  I can relate to him because he just does things without thinking, then get hurt, and then do it again.  I pray he learns faster than I did. With that being said, I have pretty much covered 6 months in about 3 paragraphs. 

PS:  As I was finishing this up Miriam asked who I was typing.  I told her I was writing a blog.  She then says, "Oh great.  Who are you going to piss off now."  Love it!!  :)

In Him,
The Clouse

The year of the 33. The year of the Horned Frog

  First of all, let me tell you all that I do not feel like I'm turning 33.  It seemed just yesterday when I graduated High School and joined the Military. This next year is going to have an interesting start.  I will be taking 3 classes at TCU (Texas Christian University), juggling a full time job and being a full time husband and dad.  God help me. Literally.  God, help me.  Oh, and being in a classroom full of teenagers ought to be awesome!  I'm going to be the old man of the class I'm guessing.  And yes, I am going to school to take some classes that I'm interested in.  And yes, I already have my Undergrad and Grad degrees.  So with that being said, Yes, I am crazy.

  This past Friday our nation endured the loss of life in Connecticut.  My heart aches for those parents who lost their little babies.  My baby girl is the same age of those kids.  I pray that God protects our children in school.  I pray He protects the teachers, the parents, law enforcement, and school administrators.  Thank you again to all my teacher friends.  Stupid actions like the one that happened on Friday reminds me that we live in a fallen world and I pray that all my friends reading this will accept Jesus as their personal Lord and their Savior so we can chill in Heaven when it's our time to leave this place.

  Miriam's MRI results came back and they found some new activity, also know as a lesion, on her spine.  As a husband I want to do all I can do to protect my wife and to make sure she has the best medical attention.  One way I can do that is by continuing to raise money for the MS Society.  Please donate to my team.  Click HERE to go to my site and donate. Let's find a cure for this disease that has found its way in the House of Clouse. To those who have already donated, Thank you!

  To those who have asked why I'm back on the book of faces, I decided that in order for me to get back to solid fundraising, I needed social networking.  It's feels like a necessary evil.  I don't really have anything else I want to type.  I have a lot more to say, but I'm tired.  That is all.

In Him,
Jimmy

Who are you?

    Sometimes I can say things that can make an entire room feel uncomfortable.  Whether the discussion is about marriage, kids, work, money, politics or sports.  I tend to not shy away from topics that others run far away from.  I don't know why I am like this, but it's who God made me.  I won't apologize for making you feel uncomfortable.  I won't apologize for making you think and I will not apologize for holding you accountable.  You see, the word calls us to help each other.  My strength may be different then yours.  There are a lot of things I need help with.  I go to the Doc because I have no idea what medicines will help me feel better when I'm sick, and I take my car to a mechanic when my car is having issues and I call a plumber when my pipes spring a leak.  I do this because I am no expert in these fields.  We are all called to a different calling in the Kingdom.  I can't teach a class of kindergartners, I can't fix my car engine, I can't preform surgery, and I can't defend myself in a court of law.  But what I can do is be whom God has called me to be.  So who are you?  What is your role in the Kingdom?  We are all called to do something.  

  I have been studying the book of Job and I am amazed by how Job answered his buddies when Job lost everything.  I am amazed by his response to God and his praises to God when Job lost everything.  I am no Job.  I don't think I could lose everything and still give thanks to God.  I just have to be honest. I would like to think I'd respond the same way Job did, but I haven't had my feet placed to the fire like Job did. I am no King David, or Peter, or Paul.  I am no Joseph, or Moses, or Abraham.  I am Jimmy Clouse.  God made me and He knows the plans He has for me.  God knows you too.  But do you know who you are?  I do.  You're a child of God.  God loves you.  It's true.  That's what the Bible says.  So I leave you with this last question.  Who are you? 

In Him, 

Clouse

Parents just don't understand......

   I love the Fresh Prince and Jazzy Jeff.  I could sing, and probably still can, every song they made.  One of the first songs I memorized was "Parents just don't understand."  Pure greatness.  At least from a teenagers point of view.  Now that I am a 30-something, that song still makes me smile.  But there is something to be said about parents.  Parents are the first line of defense against a world, that for all practical purposes, sucks.  I mean, come on.  How many times have you heard the phrase or have said the phrase, "Life's not fair!"?  Be honest.  Maybe it was a business deal gone bad, a family member or a favorite pet died.  Maybe you lost money, ran out of gas, lost best friends.  Parents are our first taste of life.  They should be the ones to introduce us to the harsh realities of life in a controlled environment.  If you were blessed to have parents like that, I am thankful for that.  But if you were like me, you were introduced the harshness of life within the walls of your childhood home whether you were abused, beaten, lied to, yelled at, bullied, etc. God only gave us one mom and one dad.  Regardless if we know our mom and dad or not, we still have only one mom and dad.  God blessed me by getting me out of a house, a city, and a state where I was ruining my life and running myself in the ground.  Probably 6 feet deep in the ground to be exact.

  As for me and my parental units, my dad is dead and I have a very, very strained relationship with my mom.  I'm pretty bad about keeping in touch with my aunts, uncles, and cousins.  I am pretty close to one cousin and pretty close to one aunt and her family.  I believe in the idea of family, but have never experienced what that really meant.  If you happen to be a family member of mine and you're reading this, I'll at least text you one day, i think.  I don't really like talking on the phone, and a blog lets me only share what I want to share.  It's a win-win for me because I'll never know if you read this and I only let the world know what I want it to know.  It's just a sense of control you can say.  I have family who love me and would help me if I asked, but I just don't have a relationship with them.  God has blessed me with an amazing wife and two beautiful children.  I plan to foster a great relationship with them and my prayer is that they will not see certain family members as a burden as I do when they grow up.  Remember to be nice to your kids because they will be the ones to decide which nursing home you will go to.  I hope that my kids love me enough not to send me to a government run nursing home.

  My sexy wife has a great relationship with her family and her family is very close.  I find that odd and something I strongly desire at times.  I often wish we lived closer to my wife's family because I know that would make her and my kids happy, but in our current position, we can't.  I have always told myself that family is what you make of it.  In the military I was able to make other military members family.  Here, in Texas, I have been able to make a few friends family.  Is family really that important?  I question that often.  There are times when I am a Lone Ranger at work, or at the gym, at church, or in group settings.  Sometimes I feel like I have to be the best at what I do as if I have to prove something to someone.  But to who?  I don't really care about the opinions of well, mostly everyone.  Is that so wrong?  What does the bible say about these feelings?  There are many examples of family going their separate ways and verses that tell me to work as though I am working unto the Lord.  I'm sharing this because I don't think I am the only one out there with these feelings.  How do I know?  Well the bible of course,  The bible says in Ecclesiastes that there is nothing new under the sun.  Jimmy's translation....someone else felt the same you feel.

  Do you have an internal battle with these issues or is it just me?  I have been truly blessed in my life so far and I have plenty of room for improvement.  I guess my first step to improving myself is to not drink so much Starbucks coffee and to stop falling in love with Paula Deen.  Because who doesn't love bacon?

In Him,
Jimmy

Nothing will make a grown man cry quicker....

   Jurnee has successfully completed 5 full days of kindergarten.  She started last Wednesday and I have to be honest here, my eyes got filled with tears when we dropped her off that first.  I blame allergies.  At least that is what I told Miriam that, who happened NOT to fall for that.  It was strange because Jurnee was in preschool last year for 4 days a week, but dropping her off at Kindergarten seemed completely different.  She was walking though the same doors as the "bigger" kids.  She didn't want me to walk with her to the door on the second day because she is now a "big girl."  Boom!  What was that that just hit me in my chest? Was that the elusive heart that my lovely bride tells me I don't have?  I think it was. Now listen, I have served in the military,  I have been to the desert, I have been randomly shot at (at least I think it was random), I have been strong when others have been weak.  I have been the first to volunteer for difficult tasks and the last to leave.  But nothing, and I repeat, NOTHING, took me down more then hearing those words leave the mouth of my little princess.  I have been outnumbered in fights and still that seemed easier then letting go of my little girls hand to watch her walk through her classroom door.

   God is an amazing God.  He knew that I needed a daughter to soften this beating thing in my chest that keeps me alive.  God knew what he was doing when he brought me and Miriam together.  I am not a perfect man, but I serve a perfect God.  I need to remind myself everyday that it's not the days in my life that will matter when I die, but what I do in those days that will matter.  I need to take advantage of the time I have now with Jurnee because it won't be like this for long.

In Him

In search of a dad.

To those who grew up without a dad, or a dad who happened to be there but not.  

 After my dad died I have probably been in search of a father figure.  He died at the age of 43 and I was 20, and the last time I saw him I was 18.  My dad was was abusive, both verbally and physically, an alcoholic and tended to do quite a bit of traveling when I was growing up.  One year he traveled over 75% of that year.  I am not trying to make this a pity party, because it's not, but I know that many of you have probably struggled with this same issue.  If not, then praise God!  I was fortunate to be part of Boy Scouts and surrounded by Godly men whom I was able to look up to and gain valuable wisdom and knowledge from while in pursuit of my Eagle Scout.  I was also part of an awesome church youth group in which I was surrounded by friends that were able to help me get through those rough teenage years.  But I also learned from a very young age to be guarded.  I learned to only let people know what you wanted them to know.  I slip up every now and get  burned by the "gossip grapevine" which then reminds me why I remained guarded in the first place. 

  My dad provided me with an environment in which I had to walk around on eggshells. I try to still show honor to my dad and I only share this to help paint a picture of what I dealt with.  Many of you grew up in an environment like this.  I was asked to give the eulogy at my dads funeral, and it turned into more of a sermon of Gods love and grace because, what words could I say about a man whom I was callus towards.  Maybe you grew up without a dad in the picture, or a dad who was militant or even abusive.  I struggle from time to time not being able to pick up the phone and call my dad for guidance and council.  I barely knew my dad.  I didn't know his likes or dislikes.  I don't know where my dad really grew up or who his heroes were.  My dad didn't like sports or follow any team.  I didn't know this man that provided me with a bed, clothes, food, and a house.  He did provide me with a $200 beater truck when I turned 16 and for that, I am grateful.

  I am in constant search of a father figure on this land called Earth.  Dudes at work just remind me of my old man, which isn't what I am striving for.  In fact, I can't think of one person at work I'd share my secrets with. I hardly make it to church with my family on Sunday's any more because of my work schedule, which is ok, because the family is able to make it.  But God has provided me with something that I know is greater then all of that.  He has also provided you with the same thing.  God has provided his Love.  He has provided his Grace, His word, and His promise that He will never leave us, nor forsake us.  Plus He has provided me with Podcasts so I can listen to the sermons I miss. And as awesome as that is, which i must say is pretty awesome, there is also something to be said to have the wisdom and guidance of an Earthly dad.  No family is perfect.  That's why we need God, no matter what the world says.  I have been blessed with enough wisdom to seek out council and guidance from Godly men who have many years experience on me.  I have Godly men in my life, but not one who I share everything with.  Whether that is good or not, I don't know, but it's what I do.  

  My goal is to be a better dad to my kids then the dad I had.  There are days when I fail miserably.  I don't abuse my kids, but I can tend to be selfish and think of myself some days.  But there are also days when I am a Super Dad and where my kids think I am the best thing since Thomas the Train.  I have a Godly wife who helps me and prays for me.  She is awesome.  But, how many times have you heard stories or read stories in the paper about kids doing bad things and reading that the dad was no where in sight?  How many stats have you been shown about what a difference a dad makes in the life of a family?  I will to be the kind of dad that when my daughter grows up, she searches for a man like her daddy.  I will be the kind of dad to play catch with my kids, and to be there for.  I pray that God will help me to be that dad. 

To those of you who are in this same boat as me, I encourage you to stay the course.  You are a good dad, and your children love you.  Seek the council of Godly men, and pray that God will provide you with a dude to walk through this life with you.  I'm sure God has someone in mind for you.  But, just like me, you might have to show a little patience. 

In Him, 

The Clouse

You only have one good chance.

  Today I met a buddy for lunch.  He's someone who I can confide in and knows my dark side.  We meet for lunch to hangout, vent, sharpen each other and be real with each other.  Something struck me though when we were talking today that I had to share with you.  We were doing the normal banter at first such as "How's your wife? How are your kids?" and then we dove right into the "nitty gritty."  One of the topics that was brought up was our kids education since both our older kids are starting Kindergarten this Fall and will be attending the same school.  What was brought up and what came out of my mouth actually surprised me.  I know that may be hard for some of you to fathom, but it's true.  Anyone who knows me knows that I get all sweaty, nervous and short of breath when I have to spend money.  So while we discussing schools and taxes and costs of school, I said "We only get one good chance to be a good parent."  I thought about that statement the rest of lunch and the car ride home.

We only get one good chance to be a good parent and to be a positive influence on our kids while they are still living under our roof.  I only get one good chance to provide my children with the best education that I can give them.  I only get one good chance to be a good dad.  I only get one good chance to be a good husband.  Some of you may think you have multiple good chances, but you really don't have that one good chance after it's gone.  Let me give you an example.  When I was about 10 years old, I saw my mom kiss the guy who lived next door to us.  She knew that I saw them and asked me to keep it a secret from my dad.  Needless to say, my dad found out that my mom had committed adultery and her one good chance was gone.  They stayed married until my dad died at the old age of 43, but it was never the same relationship after that.  There were arguments and the past was ALWAYS brought up.  Their one good chance was gone.  Oh, it could be mended. With prayer, Godly counsel, a strong core group of friends, and most of all Christ's love, it would have been repaired, but not without the scar to prove it.  We all have scars, and many of us have ruined our one good chance.  Don't get me wrong.  We have all been given multiple chances.  I have many scars to prove that, but I ruined many one good chances.

You only get one good chance to be a good parent, a good spouse, a good child, a good friend, and a good co-worker.  I have my vices.  I struggle with each category.  BUT, I have been given Grace from God above.  I am my toughest critic, but God loves me regardless.  With the help of Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior, I can use my one chance to do better.

In Conclusion, I get one good chance.  I don't know when I will take my last breath.  So, what am I going to do with my one good chance?  What will you do with your one good chance?  I don't want to make this sound like a guilt trip.  I just want you to think about it.  Because of the blood of Jesus, we get a second chance, a third chance, etc., etc.  The blood of Jesus shouldn't be used as a get out of jail free card.  Learn from your mistakes and use the past as a spring board to get back up.  I tell people that I may fall, but as long as I fall forward then it's still in the right direction.  So, onward fellow soldiers, and use the one good chance, or the many other chances to be a better person.

In Him,
Jimmy