Multiple Sclerosis awards dinner transcript 15 Oct 15

What does Multiple Sclerosis mean? A quick google search defined multiple sclerosis as:

mul·ti·ple scle·ro·sis

noun

1. a chronic, typically progressive disease involving damage to the sheaths of nerve cells in the brain and spinal cord, whose symptoms may include numbness, impairment of speech and of muscular coordination, blurred vision, and severe fatigue.

My lovely bride, Miriam, was diagnosed with MS close to Christmas and my birthday in 2007. She had been telling me for months that she had numbness from her waist down. I suggested that she go to the doctor after a few more complaints of numbness, but she decided to stop her birth control. She thought that her new prescription could be the cause of the numbness. She stopped the birth control and the numbness went away, but not for long. By this time I became callous to her complaints of numbness because it was the same old song and dance. Miriam would complain of numbness, I would suggest that she go see a Doctor, and around and around we went. It wasn’t until a Facebook message that Miriam had with her friend that convinced her to go to the Emergency Room. Her friend suggested that Miriam might have a blood clot and off we went to the ER with a 14 month old daughter whom had a fever and double ear infection.

When we arrived at the ER, the nurses began to get to work getting Miriam’s vitals. After Miriam changed into a hospital gown, they whisked her away for an MRI. I was beginning to feel frustrated because I had my daughter in my arms, she was burning up because of her ear infections, and my wife was being sent back for tests which I thought was a complete waste of time and a complete waste of a copay that we struggled to scrape up anyways. When Miriam returned to the room I could tell that she could sense my frustration. However, my frustration quickly turned to disbelief and shock when the Doctor entered the room with the MRI results. He informed us that the MRI showed that Miriam had a lesion on her brain. My first thought was cancer but I had no idea what a legion on the brain meant. The ER doctor told us to make an appointment with a Neurologist after the holidays but still did not tell us what was going on. After convincing the doctor to give me his opinion, he said that he thought Miriam had Multiple Sclerosis. My heart sank. I immediately began to feel guilt because I thought that Miriam was fine and we were wasting our time at the ER. I began to feel sad at the thought of losing my wife. I began to go through an array of emotions. The doctor sent us home with one instruction. Stay. Off. The. Internet. He didn’t want us to Google Multiple Sclerosis. We did anyways.    

After our appointments at the turn of the calendar, and spinal tap, and MRI’s, I knew that I needed to do something. I needed to support my wife. I needed to let her know that I was not going anywhere and that I was going to be by her side until the day that I die. For sickness and in health. So I began to search the internet and landed upon the MS Society’s webpage. There was an MS Walk in Addison and I could participate by walking, raising money, and forming a team. We had a small group for our first MS Walk in 2008. I didn’t raise a lot of money, but I knew that the money that I did raise was going towards a great cause. Year after year I raised money and eventually formed my MS Team, MS Busters which I later changed to Kicking Asphalt. Usually it’s just my family and a few friends that participate in the walk and that’s ok with me. All I really want is their money and I tell them that. I just want to find a cure and I also want to bring awareness to this disease that has changed our lives.

But what does Multiple Sclerosis actually mean? It means that your life has changed. It means doctors appointments and medicines and needles. It means feeling fatigued. It means symptoms and tests. It means MRI’s. It means fighting the negative thoughts that creep into our minds. BUT Multiple Sclerosis also means family. It means togetherness. It means fun. It means MS Walks and MS Dinners. It means not fighting alone. It means shaving my head , painting it orange and wearing an orange tutu. It means that we will not be beat by MS. We will fight. We will bring awareness and We. Will. Win!

The House of Clouse, Team Kicking Asphalt,  isn’t all about rainbows and unicorns. We have had a relapse. We have had days when the Summer heat zaps our energy. Notice that I keep saying “We”, because we are one. Unless we are at the mall of course, then she is on her own. But we have had our struggles. We have had questions.  We have done our homework on which medicines were the best for our needs. We have surrounded ourselves with a solid church family and we have prayed. But most importantly, we have not given up.

I encourage each of you to become a trailblazer. Make the 2015-2016 fundraising year the best you have ever made it. Form a team, become a team captain, become the top fundraising team! Just joking. Be the second top fundraising team because I will continue to push Team Kicking Asphalt to be number 1. Become competitive during this fundraising year, but remember the number one goal is to find a cure. Raise just $100 more than you did in 2015. Invite one more person than you did in 2015.

I will not give up! I ask that you join me in making the 2015-2016 Fundraising year the best. year. ever. Let’s make it a record breaking year for Ft. Worth. I do not know what I will do for this walk. Maybe wear an orange tuxedo, or dye my beard orange. Right now I have no idea. But I promise you that I will not give up. I will continue to fight to find a cure for my wife and for you.

Thank you for all that you do. Thank you to Lily and to the amazing staff and volunteers at the MS Society. Thank you to all who have joined us tonight and thank you to all who have fought beside me to find a cure. We. Will. Win!! We. Will. NOT. Be. Beat.

Goodnight.

Will you be remembered?

You bust your back at work. You sacrifice your time, your energy, you sanity to improve the environment you're in. You work as though you were working until the Lord, just as the Good Book says. But will you be remembered when it is all said and done?

This week I was talking with someone whom I consider a work mentor about this very topic. If you are a member of our great military, a police officer, air traffic controller, fire fighter, or work at a place that is a 24 hour 7 day a week job, will you be remembered when you walk out that door and call it a career? This had me doing some serious thinking. I love my job. It's my dream job and a job that I wanted to do since I was 12 years old. I can't imagine doing anything else. But where am I placing my priorities? The reality of my job, or any job for that matter, is that each and every one of us is replaceable. I don't mean to make it sound so depressing, because it's not meant to be. I just want to draw attention to it. If I got into my car to drive home after work, and God forbid that I get into an accident, will Air Traffic stop? No. Sure I will be missed by my coworkers (I think), and sure it's sad to think about, but I AM REPLACEABLE. 

But wait. I have some good news. You're not replaceable to your family or your friends. You see, I am replaceable at work, but I am not replaceable to those that love me, care for me, and pray for me. So what am I trying to say? I want you to go to work. I want you to work as though you are working until the Lord, BUT I want you to go home and give more to those that are important. I want you to spend time with your family. Invest in your family. Invest in your church. Help those in need. Give to the poor. Make a difference in your community. Don't be forgotten to those that matter most.

My wife and I were discussing my opinion on this topic. I feel the need to say that I DO WANT you to leave a legacy. I want you to be remembered when you retire from your job. But if you're like me, you struggle daily with ranking your priorities. There have been many days in my career when I have put my job first and my family second or even third. All I really want you to do is take time each morning to pray and prioritize what is really important in your life. 

God has sent his one and only Son to die for my sins, and though I am by no means perfect, I don't use that line as an excuse. I strive to be perfect because if we, Believers, say that we should follow the example of Jesus Christ, then why would I not strive to be perfect? Jesus was perfect.

My two cents. Take it for what's it worth,

Regards,
Jimmy

Back to the basics. My wife said that I should journal but what I really I want to do is eat ice cream.

In this day and age of technology, we forget what writing a letter actually feels like. I recently wrote a letter to friend who moved to the Washington D.C area. I thanked him for all the work he did and what he meant to our team. I got about two paragraphs into my letter and my hand started to cramp up. I dropped my pencil and screamed in pain but I picked that pencil right back up and plowed through the next couple of paragraphs.  I ran to the mailbox, dropped that letter in, and ran back inside to ice my hand. This past week I wrote another letter to a coworker that was retiring. This time I was ready to write that letter. I did a few finger and hand calisthenics and went to town on that letter. It felt good to get back to the basics. In our world of texting, email, and social media, I felt one thing when my friends read their handwritten letter from me...appreciation. They appreciated the time and effort it took to write a letter and it felt good to let them know how important they are. Why do I tell you all of this? Because maybe we need to get back to the basics of life. 

My daughter is rapidly approaching her last year in single digits. She will turn 9 in just a couple of days, and I can not believe how fast time has traveled. It's true what is said, time waits for no man. But what have I been teaching my daughter? I catch myself with my head down, texting, or mindlessly scrolling Facebook, or playing Words with Friends. I have slowly been detoxing myself from doing all of that. When it comes to our kids, more is caught than taught. So what am I teaching my precious daughter and son? Am I teaching them that my iPhone is more important than listening to them? Am I teaching them that sending that text is more important than looking out the window and watching the world with them through their eyes? Isn't it ironic that I am writing a blog on my computer about detoxing? Yes. Yes it is. However, my kids are asleep and Miriam is watching a show on Netflix. Plus I needed to type this out because maybe someone else needs to read this and get back to the basics with me. 

Let us get back to the basics. Let's put the e-reader down and read a book. You don't have to completely get rid of the e-reader, but don't forget what reading a real life book felt like. Write your BFF a letter. Put your phone on DO NOT DISTURB or block a couple of phone numbers. Maybe check Facebook once a day or maybe once every other day. Go watch the sunset (because it would be a miracle for my family to watch the sunrise). I understand how much easier life has become by being plugged in or by texting and emailing from the palm of your hand, but don't..forget..the..basics. Don't forget your family. Don't forget to put the phone down and take a mental picture instead of trying to take a picture to put on Instagram. That is all. 

In Him, 

Jimmy

A blog with a point? That's what my wife said.

I told Miriam that I hadn't written any sort of blog update. I have been busy. Family, work, extra curricular activities such as HOA President and Union rep tends to take up a lot of my time. Here is something that is even more awesome about being the HOA President...I am not a fan of HOAs. Go figure.

But, here is my attempt at a blog with a point. I should retitle this blog as finding that sweet spot in your life. What does that mean? In my opinion, it's the spot where you're juuuusssttt about "there" in meeting your life goals. Your fingertips are grazing it, but you just can't get a grip. This allows room for you to grow. But where is "there"? Your "there" is different from my there. But you need to set goals, and when you meet your goals, you need to set new goals. Make sense? You'll hear experts say you need to set long term and short term goals. That's all find and dandy, but how about making realistic goals and lifetime goals. Let me share with you my goals and maybe that will help you.

My goals are, in no particular order:

1) To be completely debt free, including my house. I am a Dave Ramsey follower. His biblical teachings and forthrightness is something that I am a huge fan of. But you need to do your own homework. Read a book, read your bible, listen to a Podcast, take a class, etc. Set a plan of action with your spouse, or if you're single, ask a parent of friend to help you set up an action plan. Stay the course. But as with any goal, there is going to be sacrifice on your part.

2) Be a better husband. This goal is a life goal. I didn't have a great example growing up as to what a good husband looked like. My parents were verbally and physically abusive to my sisters and I. My parents were verbally and physically abusive to each other. In spite of all of that, I was blessed to be involved in the Boy Scouts and in a church youth group. I was able to see the example of Godly men and how they treated their spouse. I also made every effort to learn from those older than me and to learn from their mistakes. But, how am I trying to become a better husband? I try to take my wife on dates regularly. I try to treat my wife like a daughter of the King. I try to keep her above my children, meaning my kids know that before they were ever thought of, their mother was my number 1 and she still is. That doesn't mean that I don't love my children, it's just that they will not play me against their mother.

3) Be a better dad. This is another life goal with no end in sight, just like my goal to be a better husband. How do I do try to become a better dad? I let my kids know that they're important to me by sacrificing time at work or another project to attend as many school events, practices, etc., that I can attend. It's not easy with my Air Traffic Control work schedule, but it's important for my children to see me at these events. I can't make every event, but I have a pretty good track record, and I plan to keep it that way. Does that mean I only get 4 hours a sleep in order to be at swim practice? Yes. Does that mean by 6pm I am begging to go to sleep? Yes. Does that mean I need to find a better balance to keep myself healthy? Yes. I also try to take my daughter on dates with me. I want my daughter to know that no matter what, she has a daddy that loves her to the moon and back. I want her to be treated like a daughter of the King as well, and when she is older I want her to have a good foundation of what a Godly man looks like when some boy tries to pursue her. I am not without my faults, but that doesn't mean that should hold me back from trying my best. I also teach my Pre-K son to treat woman like gold. To hold open the door for women, to not lay a hand on a woman in anger, and to be a protector of women. He will not be like me as a teenage kid. I hit puberty but had NO control. But that's because I didn't have a dad to walk with me through those years. I will be there for my son in those teenage years and until the day I die. I will also be taking my son out for one-on-one time because that is also important.

4) Be a better friend. Oh boy. This is always a point of contention between my lovely bride and I :)  Miriam tends to say that I tricked her. When we first started dating, she saw me as outgoing and the life of the party. But she only saw me act like this with people I knew and my friends. Miriam AND my daughter can make friends with just about anyone. I have three really close friends that I can call, vent, and act a fool with. I firmly believe that we need to be friendly to everyone, and we should love everyone, but that does't mean that I need to make everyone a best friend. Be wise in whom you make a best friend. But be friendly and make peace with everyone. I still struggle with this from time to time, because maybe sometimes people just need a high five, in the face, with a chair. I kid, I kid. But seriously. However, the bible tells me to get along with everyone.

5) Create a bucket list. Miriam and I created a bucket list. You need to dream big and attack that list. We have a bucket list on our refrigerator door and we cross off places after we travel or accomplish a task on our list. We were able to cross of our visit to NYC this Summer which was on our bucket list. This is your chance to sit down with your spouse, or by yourself if you're single, and create a list. DREAM BIG!

6) Be a world changer. This is a great one because this forces you to not put yourself first. This is also an uncomfortable one that takes you out of your little bubble. This is a life goal for me because I SUCK at it. I am about as selfish as they come. But I care about the legacy I leave. I fundraise for the MS Society because my wife has MS. I sacrifice my time to help people and to work in my community. I want my kids to learn the art of putting others first. It's not easy to do, but we all can do better. Many of us are stuck in a routine of sleep, wake up, eat, shower, work, home, eat, sleep, repeat. You can make a difference in the world and are called to do so. And by world, I mean your world first. First start with your family, then your friends, and then your community. Do it! Trust me. You'll feel such a sense of gratification that no words will be able to describe it.

These are just a few goals that I have made for myself. Now you go. Set your own goals and change your life, because I can't do it for you. Pull up your big boy pants (or girl pants if you're a lady reader). Stop making excuses. Make today the day you change your family tree. Make today the day you change the direction of your life. And guess what...if you need help, you have a Father in Heaven who will help guide you, and guess what again....you have a friend in Miriam and I. But remember, it doesn't mean you're my best friend....yet :)

Regards,
Jimmy

People are watching

I have not always found it easy to stand up for my beliefs. There was a time in my life that I didn't want people to know that I was a follower of Christ. My actions spoke louder than my words and sometimes they still do. I would hit the clubs on Saturday night and drag my butt to church on Sunday morning when I was younger. I spoke about Gods grace but would use his grace like a credit card to sin. I would rack up the credit and then hit my knees to ask for forgiveness because I knew that God would love me and forgive me and wipe the slate clean. However, I did not know of the lasting consequences that would have. I did not know the marks and scars doing that would leave behind.

People are watching me. People are watching you. They see how you act. Some are waiting for you to fall and stumble. I do not know all the answers and I do not claim to have all the answers. I make mistakes. I still sin. We all do. But we serve an amazing God. Stay the course and be the light.

I sense a theme....

  I just did a quick review of blogs that I have written in the past.  Some of them are written about my past and the abuse and the hurt.  Others are just blogs of random bantering that I have with myself when I sit down and write.  But as i re-read some of them, I sense a theme of unforgivness.  Apparently spell check didn't think that unforgivness is a word.  It is today.  Do you have any idea how often I talk to God and tell Him that I have forgiven my parents? No? Well the answer is a lot.  My dad was a jerk.  There are many words I could use, but jerk will do.  He was abusive, both verbally and physically.  He was an alcoholic. He did drugs. He was unfair and unjust.  Now, there may have been some good memories of him, but the really bad memories have choked out the good ones.  My dad died when I was 20 year, and I don't recall shedding a tear.  I remember the pain and the hurt and the nightmares I had after his death, but I didn't cry.

  I have promised myself to be a better father to my kids than my dad was to me and my sisters.  I have promised myself that I will not be an alcoholic or be the type of dad he was to me.  Why do I tell you all this?  It's because of unforgiveness.  I share this because maybe you have unforgivness in your heart.  I struggle with forgiving both my parents, but I can speak with authority on this....you can learn even from a bad example.  My mom might read this, and I am ok with it.  She knows what we grew up with and the environment we lived in, and she knows she could have done more, but I want MY family history to be different, and it already is.

  Who have you not forgiven?  It's hard to forgive but we are all called to do it.  Trust me.  I have done better with letting go of some of the hurt and pain.  I tell people to let go and give it to God.  Is it hypocritical for me to say that and not do it?  Maybe.  But, it's a true statement and something that I must do.  But we aren't called to do it alone.  First, I have a Father who does love me and does care. Secondly, I have a wife who loves me and supports me.  Next, I have a small close knit group of friends I vent to and know pray for me, and last but not least, I have a church that is full of sinners and hypocrites that are struggling along with me.  But that church is full of grace, and love, and respect, and patience, and comedians, and friends, and there is power in numbers.

  I don't want to have to keep writing a blog about how crappy my growing up was.  It was crappy, so let's move on, Clouse.  I want to write about Freedom and about Forgiveness and about what Christ is doing and will do.  But I write this to tell you if you haven't forgiven someone, I understand.  It can take time.  My dad has been dead for almost 14 years now, and I still struggle.  My mom is still alive, and I still struggle with forgiving her. I hold on to the unforgivness like it's a pet or something.  We MUST forgive.  We are CALLED to forgive.  I'll pray for you and you pray for me.  There is power in numbers.

In Him,
Clouse

 

(Insert Witty Comment Here)

   Why have a blog if I don't post anything to it?  Well, because.  That's why.  Actually, the real reason is that I don't know why.  It's not because I have a lack of ideas or thoughts.  Some of those ideas and thoughts may actually be thought provoking.  Maybe it's because I am a husband and a father of two kids under the age of 8.  Any parent out there knows what I mean by that.  You come home after a hard day of work, and as soon as you walk through that door, your kids are vying for your attention and wanting to play.  That's when you brain starts to scream, "Stop thinking.  Just go lie down. You know you want to."  Oh, and you think my job is tough?  My wife is a "stay at home mom".  Translation? That means she is a Saint.  God touched my wife on the head and blessed her with patience that knows no bounds.  Trust me on this because she is also married to me which means she has an abundance of patience.

   Now, I don't have anything really interesting to say tonight.  Maybe it's because when the kids start their bedtime ritual, my mind starts to think "FREEEDDOOOM!"  It's like William Wallace all up in this house but with Duck Dynasty reruns playing on the TV in the background.  Now, don't get the wrong idea.  I love my kids.  I love them a lot. But there are days that I count down to bedtime.  I'm sure many parents have felt like this from time to time.

This is the first post of 2014.  I figured I better start the year off right, on Feb. 3.  Besides, some people at work have been creeping around my blog so I decided to write a little something something for them.

In Him,
Jimmy