In search of a dad.

To those who grew up without a dad, or a dad who happened to be there but not.  

 After my dad died I have probably been in search of a father figure.  He died at the age of 43 and I was 20, and the last time I saw him I was 18.  My dad was was abusive, both verbally and physically, an alcoholic and tended to do quite a bit of traveling when I was growing up.  One year he traveled over 75% of that year.  I am not trying to make this a pity party, because it's not, but I know that many of you have probably struggled with this same issue.  If not, then praise God!  I was fortunate to be part of Boy Scouts and surrounded by Godly men whom I was able to look up to and gain valuable wisdom and knowledge from while in pursuit of my Eagle Scout.  I was also part of an awesome church youth group in which I was surrounded by friends that were able to help me get through those rough teenage years.  But I also learned from a very young age to be guarded.  I learned to only let people know what you wanted them to know.  I slip up every now and get  burned by the "gossip grapevine" which then reminds me why I remained guarded in the first place. 

  My dad provided me with an environment in which I had to walk around on eggshells. I try to still show honor to my dad and I only share this to help paint a picture of what I dealt with.  Many of you grew up in an environment like this.  I was asked to give the eulogy at my dads funeral, and it turned into more of a sermon of Gods love and grace because, what words could I say about a man whom I was callus towards.  Maybe you grew up without a dad in the picture, or a dad who was militant or even abusive.  I struggle from time to time not being able to pick up the phone and call my dad for guidance and council.  I barely knew my dad.  I didn't know his likes or dislikes.  I don't know where my dad really grew up or who his heroes were.  My dad didn't like sports or follow any team.  I didn't know this man that provided me with a bed, clothes, food, and a house.  He did provide me with a $200 beater truck when I turned 16 and for that, I am grateful.

  I am in constant search of a father figure on this land called Earth.  Dudes at work just remind me of my old man, which isn't what I am striving for.  In fact, I can't think of one person at work I'd share my secrets with. I hardly make it to church with my family on Sunday's any more because of my work schedule, which is ok, because the family is able to make it.  But God has provided me with something that I know is greater then all of that.  He has also provided you with the same thing.  God has provided his Love.  He has provided his Grace, His word, and His promise that He will never leave us, nor forsake us.  Plus He has provided me with Podcasts so I can listen to the sermons I miss. And as awesome as that is, which i must say is pretty awesome, there is also something to be said to have the wisdom and guidance of an Earthly dad.  No family is perfect.  That's why we need God, no matter what the world says.  I have been blessed with enough wisdom to seek out council and guidance from Godly men who have many years experience on me.  I have Godly men in my life, but not one who I share everything with.  Whether that is good or not, I don't know, but it's what I do.  

  My goal is to be a better dad to my kids then the dad I had.  There are days when I fail miserably.  I don't abuse my kids, but I can tend to be selfish and think of myself some days.  But there are also days when I am a Super Dad and where my kids think I am the best thing since Thomas the Train.  I have a Godly wife who helps me and prays for me.  She is awesome.  But, how many times have you heard stories or read stories in the paper about kids doing bad things and reading that the dad was no where in sight?  How many stats have you been shown about what a difference a dad makes in the life of a family?  I will to be the kind of dad that when my daughter grows up, she searches for a man like her daddy.  I will be the kind of dad to play catch with my kids, and to be there for.  I pray that God will help me to be that dad. 

To those of you who are in this same boat as me, I encourage you to stay the course.  You are a good dad, and your children love you.  Seek the council of Godly men, and pray that God will provide you with a dude to walk through this life with you.  I'm sure God has someone in mind for you.  But, just like me, you might have to show a little patience. 

In Him, 

The Clouse

You only have one good chance.

  Today I met a buddy for lunch.  He's someone who I can confide in and knows my dark side.  We meet for lunch to hangout, vent, sharpen each other and be real with each other.  Something struck me though when we were talking today that I had to share with you.  We were doing the normal banter at first such as "How's your wife? How are your kids?" and then we dove right into the "nitty gritty."  One of the topics that was brought up was our kids education since both our older kids are starting Kindergarten this Fall and will be attending the same school.  What was brought up and what came out of my mouth actually surprised me.  I know that may be hard for some of you to fathom, but it's true.  Anyone who knows me knows that I get all sweaty, nervous and short of breath when I have to spend money.  So while we discussing schools and taxes and costs of school, I said "We only get one good chance to be a good parent."  I thought about that statement the rest of lunch and the car ride home.

We only get one good chance to be a good parent and to be a positive influence on our kids while they are still living under our roof.  I only get one good chance to provide my children with the best education that I can give them.  I only get one good chance to be a good dad.  I only get one good chance to be a good husband.  Some of you may think you have multiple good chances, but you really don't have that one good chance after it's gone.  Let me give you an example.  When I was about 10 years old, I saw my mom kiss the guy who lived next door to us.  She knew that I saw them and asked me to keep it a secret from my dad.  Needless to say, my dad found out that my mom had committed adultery and her one good chance was gone.  They stayed married until my dad died at the old age of 43, but it was never the same relationship after that.  There were arguments and the past was ALWAYS brought up.  Their one good chance was gone.  Oh, it could be mended. With prayer, Godly counsel, a strong core group of friends, and most of all Christ's love, it would have been repaired, but not without the scar to prove it.  We all have scars, and many of us have ruined our one good chance.  Don't get me wrong.  We have all been given multiple chances.  I have many scars to prove that, but I ruined many one good chances.

You only get one good chance to be a good parent, a good spouse, a good child, a good friend, and a good co-worker.  I have my vices.  I struggle with each category.  BUT, I have been given Grace from God above.  I am my toughest critic, but God loves me regardless.  With the help of Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior, I can use my one chance to do better.

In Conclusion, I get one good chance.  I don't know when I will take my last breath.  So, what am I going to do with my one good chance?  What will you do with your one good chance?  I don't want to make this sound like a guilt trip.  I just want you to think about it.  Because of the blood of Jesus, we get a second chance, a third chance, etc., etc.  The blood of Jesus shouldn't be used as a get out of jail free card.  Learn from your mistakes and use the past as a spring board to get back up.  I tell people that I may fall, but as long as I fall forward then it's still in the right direction.  So, onward fellow soldiers, and use the one good chance, or the many other chances to be a better person.

In Him,
Jimmy

See anything good at the movies lately? Read a good book?

I am quite amazed by all the buzz about the book 50 Shades or Grey and the movie Magic Mike.  I'm sure the writer and Hollywood is loving all the free publicity though.  This book and movie has sure brought up something that I am actually diggin'. It's bringing up conversation amongst those who follow Christ.  I have never seen so many women who follow Christ actually wait hours and hours in line to get tickets  to see this movie or get so excited about a book.  I have read Blogs, articles, and even heard conversations for or against this book and movie.  Have I read the book? No.  Of course not.  I have seen the movie?  Of course not.  But I'll hear some stupid argument by someone saying how I shouldn't criticize this book or movie if I haven't read or seen it.  Well, here's another argument genius. Why do you warn your kids to stay away from drugs if you have never tried them?  If you respond with , "I have tried them and drugs jacked me up" then I'll tell you that you answered your own question.  You don't need to do drugs to know that they'll ruin your life, your family, and everything you worked hard for.  And if you have done drugs then you already know first hand how they can jack up your life.

Picture this, you're thirsty and I give you an unopened bottle of ice cold, refreshing water.  Will you accept it?  Of course you will.  Now, what if I just add a teaspoon of motor oil to that bottle of ice cold, refreshing water?  Will you accept it?  Maybe you will.  Is it good for you?  No it's not. That oil just contaminated that bottle.  Now, I'm not going to sit here and give you a Sunday School lesson on why you should or shouldn't read or watch that movie.  I'm sure your little conscious has already spoken to you about that.  I call that the Holy Spirit.  You know, that voice inside your head telling what you ought or ought not know or do.  I'm sure you may feel convicted if you have read or seen those things.  If you haven't, then I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you have made your heart callus.  You have made yourself callus by ignoring that voice over and over and over again.  I know because I have made myself callus in the past, and I am sure even now there are some things that I am callus about.  

I am blessed to be married to a woman who won't contaminate her mind and heart by reading that book or watching that movie.  I'm sure if you're a woman reading this you'll say that you're a blessing to your husband and you have read the book and watched the movie.  I'm sure you may be a blessing to him, but you have just put a teaspoon of oil inside yourself.  And here is something that I have heard on the radio, that I have read, and even heard conversations about.  Well Jimmy, the Bible says Thou Shall Not Judge.  Hey Genius, Guess what?  I too can pick random, half read scripture verses and make them read how I want to.  It's been done throughout history.  Like this, in Genius 9:3, it says,

Every moving thing that liveth shall be meat for you; even as the green herb have I given you all things.

 Guess that means I can smoke weed.  It says so right there.  EEEHHH!! WRONG!  Guess what I just did?  I just randomly picked out a verse to fulfill my needs, IF I was a pothead.  But I'm not.  

The Bible tells us to judge.  Let me explain.  I am to judge my fellow believers in Christ.  If I have a friend who is a nonbeliever, should I go about judging him?  No.  Why?  Because God would show him love and compassion.  Would God want me to go to my buddy who is a believer and call him out of drugs, spousal abuse, adultery, pornography, etc.?  Yes.  Why? Because that what God has commanded me to do.  But there is a right and wrong way to judge. Did you know that?  When people hear the word judge they get freaked out.  So let's rephrase it to correcting one another.  Because people can judge negatively and that is something that Jesus NEVER did.  Jesus corrected in a loving and compassionate way.  That's what we need to do when confronting a buddy about a road block in their life.  If you don't surround yourself by a few good and close friends who share your belief system, then you are destined to fall and fail.  Your like a swimmer, all alone, being circled by sharks  But, if you do surround yourself with a few good friends, then you'll be able to receive correction a lot better.  

This book and this movie is a lot deeper then filling your mind and body with garbage.  This is about standing up to something that could potentially be kindling to ruin your marriage, your family, and yourself.  But Jimmy, my husband watches porn.  Well, he's wrong.  He shouldn't be watching porn.  So, I end with this.  Guard your hearts, guard your children, and protect your marriage,  If not, then you might as well take your young daughter to watch that movie with you, or hand her the book.  Just ruin them now and get it over with.  Harsh?  Yes.  But hopefully it drives the point home.  

In Him, 

Jimmy

The Church Clique

   I attended First Baptist Church Norfolk in Va. before I became a believer in Christ at the age of 17.  Even after I became a believer I attended FBCN until I joined the military at the ripe old age of 18.  I had attended FBCN from a young age, maybe 8 or 9 years old.  I tell you this to set up the picture.  I attended FBCN but no one knew me until I was 17.  My Sunday School teachers knew me because I attended their class, but the other kids didn't know who I was.  After I accepted Jesus as my Savior, after I was set on fire for Christ, that's when people began to ask me if I just started attending the Church. It's kind of sad that we can attend Church for so long and not be recognized.  Have you ever been to a church and no one shakes your hand or introduces themselves to you?  I have.  Have you ever attended a church and notice the same people every week gather together in their own little clique?  I have.  Have you felt left out? Have you felt alone? Have you felt uncomfortable? I have.
  
   I make a self conscious effort to introduce myself to new people at church because I know how it feels to be the new guy.  But why do so many people in the church shun new people?  It's because we are comfortable.  We have allowed ourselves to make a comfortable bubble around ourselves where we control the enviroment.  I do this with friendships, so I know what happens.  I share only what I need to with others and only allow my friends to see the real me.  I don't think that is bad, because I feel as though you should not air out your dirty laundry for everyone to see.  Some people can't handle the stink.  BUT, there is a difference between being friendly to everyone and being friends with everyone.  Proverbs 18:24 says "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."  I don't have many friends, but the ones I have are loyal and true.  I digress.  When we gather in the name of Jesus we should extend our hand to those around us.  You don't need to be best friends with that person, but you have to be friendly.  Greet the new person or persons.  Make them feel welcome. Show them the love of Jesus through your actions.  Get out of your bubble.  Get out of your clique.  I believe that many things can ruin a church and one of those are cliques. 

   This morning, as you get yourself ready to worship, find a new person, shake their hand and welcome them.  You'll be surprise by what a big difference that small gesture could have.

You are only as strong as the weakest link

I have always liked that illustration.  "You are only as strong as the weakest link."  I'm sure I don't have to explain the science behind the saying, but it does make you think.  Or at least it makes me think.  At work, when you're working on a project, you're only as strong as the "weakest link" in the group.  A baseball team is only as strong as the weakest hitter in the lineup.  Stats have proved me right on that one.  In a family, you're only as strong as the "weakest" link.  This has given me the most internal fit.  Because to say that is putting a lot of weight in that comment.  But I have seen families struggle with their teenage children.  I have seen families fight alcohol and drug abuse.  I have seen porn take a grip on a family.  I have seen gambling, murder, lies, and hate destroy families.  You are only as strong as the weakest link. I have seen fatherless children struggle with their place in a family or in life. 

I have felt the fury of hell itself on my family while growing up and the attacks of me personally.  I recognize that the enemy would love for me to have a failed marriage, to be a bum at work, to isolate myself from friends and loved ones.  I don't want to be just a good husband and father, I want to be a great husband and father.  I tend to fall short at times.  I won't bore you with the details, but it's true.  I pray with Jurnee every night that I'm not working.  I always pray for her and for her husband and ask that God prepares him for my little princess and that this man child I allow to marry my daughter is a man of God.  This week, however, I prayed that God makes this boy a better man than I am.  After we said "Amen", Jurnee said, "Ah Daddy, you're a good daddy." Her tone made me feel as though I shouldn't pray that and that I am good enough.  It made my heart melt.  It almost brought a tear to my eyes, but it was just allergies.  Her statement made me realize that I tend to be more critical of myself than others are of me.  It's like I fight a ghost within. I walk around like a one man army fighting memories, ghosts and shadows of the past in my head.  I don't want this to be something my children will have to struggle with.  The chains of past generations WILL BE broken with me.  It will stop here.  I will battle for my children to have a father who is involved.  My children will see that no matter what happens in life, that their father will fight for his marriage and his children's soul.  I will be the man of God that God created me to be.  But, I also recognize that I can't do this alone.  We all need help and we all need accountability.  So, I implore you to get a few guys, or if you're a gal get a of couple of gals, to hold you accountable.  True friends will not leave your side to fight alone.  I have a few great buddies who have the scars of going through battle with me and I have the scars of going through battle with them.  Don't believe what the world preaches.  If you do, you will only find yourself hurt.  Don't believe me?  Listen to the screams of your heart that have already been scarred from the world.  Follow Jesus.  Why?  Because what do you have to lose?

In Him,
Jimmy

Advice for my daughter

  This is for my little princess, who will one day find this blog when she is older and hopefully gain some insight from these few nuggets of wisdom. 

• Remember to laugh.  When life around you is falling apart and you can't imagine it being any worse, just Laugh.  And of course, seek God in everything you do. 
• Every morning when you wake up, Thank God for another day that He has placed air in your lungs.
• You can do anything in life, you can be anything in life, you can accomplish anything in life.  You are a strong, smart, talented and beautiful girl.
• DO NOT get involved with a boy who thinks it is ok to lay his hands on you in anger.  I'm still your father and I will never be to old to educate an abusive man.
• DO NOT get involved with a boy who thinks it it ok to get drunk.
• You will one day experience a broken heart from a stupid boy, but remember that there is one who will never leave you and that is Jesus.  You will always have the love of your mama and me, but Jesus will be with you when we can't be.
• You are who you hang out with.  You'll hear this many many times before you find this blog, but it's true.  So surround yourself with Godly women and women whom you would want to be like.
• "No" is an answer.
• Having 700 friends on Facebook or whatever the next popular social network platform may be does not mean you really have 700 friends.  A friend is someone you can call at 2 a.m. and cry with or ask for help.  Therefore that 700 will probably be dwindled down to 3.
• Find a good church home that will help you learn and grow while at the same time contributing to the church, whether it be your time, prayers, or money.  And do not think that you will not be hurt in church.  You will be.  But learn and grown from it.
• Debt is dumb.  No matter how pushy a company can be or how great the deal sounds, believe me, it isn't a good deal.  Debt is dumb.
• Learn from me and your mama.  Learn from the good we do and learn from the bad we do.  Learn from others mistakes and learn from the good choices others make.  You can always learn, even if it's from a bad example.
• It's ok to be called Nerd or Geek.  That just means you are doing something right.
• It's ok to stand up for yourself but it's not ok to be bullied.  Violence is not the answer, but you must be ready to defend yourself if you must.  Don't worry.  By the time you get to this "bullet", hopefully you'll learn from me how to appropriately apply this.
• It's ok for you to like the Texas Rangers, and it's ok for me to like the New York Yankees.  It is NOT ok to like the Boston Red Sox. Ever.  
• Garbage in, Garbage out.
• One day you'll tell me that you hate me or that you hate your mama.  One day you'll tell me you can't wait to be 18 years old and leave the house.  One day you'll also thank me and your mama for how "strict" you thought we were.  And we really do know you love us no matter what you say
• Always be ready to volunteer to help those who are less fortunate than you.  Volunteer at a Soup Kitchen or participate in a food drive.  Don't wait for someone else to volunteer, because if not you then who?  If not now, then when?
• Respect the American Flag.  Stand during the National Anthem.  Men and Women have died for your freedom.
• Never let money jeopardize your integrity.  It's better to be poor with integrity than to be rich with no integrity.  Always work as though you are working for God and do not be concerned by the mocking of lazy people.  Your hard work will be noticed by those around you and by God, but care more what God thinks then those around you.  Read the Book of Daniel to see what I mean.
• Choose reading a book over watching the TV.  Trust me on this one.  You'll thank me later. 
• Be wise with your money.  Tithe your money and invest your money.  Do not try to keep up with "Jone's".  Stay the course, and when you become an older woman you'll be debt free, with money to give away and to do nice things.  Again, you'll thank me later.
• Be a woman like your mama.  Your mama is a strong, beautiful and caring women.  Your mama will say be a better woman then she is, but I say be like your mama because in my eyes she is already perfect.
• Blood is thicker than water, but syrup is thicker than blood, therefore choose pancakes.  I kid, I kid.  Remember your roots and try to carve out some time for family.  If you don't, the enemy will try to use guilt to attack you.
• There is a battle going on for your soul everyday.  Be ready to go into battle, but remember that God has already won the war. 
• Spend some time every day with God by reading the bible and by praying.  Just like investing your money, consider this an investment in your spiritual life.
• Spend time in the gym, eat healthy and be active.  Just like investing your money and investing in your spiritual life, invest in your health.  You will want to enjoy your retirement by being healthy.
• Your brother is watching you, so be an example.  He is your best friend and he will want to hang out with you.  Consider this a blessing.
• Find a boy who is better then your daddy.  Find a man who is smarter and more Godly than me.  DO NOT believe what is in magazines or what is on TV.  Do not believe that you should follow your heart when it comes to "love".  That is stupid advice and those people are just trying to make money.  Use wisdom and you will know when that right man comes along. 
• This is important, so read this carefully.  The day some boy asks you to marry him, and IF you say yes, and IF we think that this boy is good enough for you, and IF you are walking down the aisle, and IF you do not think beyond a shadow of doubt that this is the man God has intended for you, it's ok to walk right up to me and tell me.  No matter how much money is spent on the wedding, and no matter how pressured you may feel, it's ok to walk away.  It's ok to feel a little embarrassed at that time then to spend the rest of your life with a man that is not right for you.  I would rather spend millions and millions of dollars for you to walk away then to spend millions and millions of dollars for you to go through a wedding and wind up with a boy who is wrong for you.  We will leave the palce together and probably grab a cup of coffee.
• Marriage is sacred, and vows are important.  It's not ok to give up on a marriage because it just "feels" right to give up.  For better or for worse is not just a cute saying, but something that is mandatory in all marriages. So fight for your marriage and seek God always.  Draw close to God first and drawing close to your husband will happen naturally.   
• Always tell your mama and brother that you love them.  Always hug them.  This will make their day.
• One day me and your mama will no longer be on this Earth with you, but remember always the teachings we have imparted on you and remember that no matter what, we will always Love You.

   This is by no means all you will learn from me and your mama, but these are reminders.  I have prayed for you, even before you were born, that you will become a Godly woman who will change the world.  Whether the world is just your home, your community, your school, or the world itself, I pray that you are a world changer.  I love you.

Love,
Daddy

To be a Yankee or not. That is the question. At least in my house.

   I love the Yankees.  I bleed Yankee blue and when I get to Heaven I will continue to bleed Yankee blue.  But what would you do if you're little princess comes to you and says she likes the Rangers too.  What?! Does my ears deceive me?  Yes, she said Rangers.  Something happened though.  I finally gave in and told her that it's OK for her to like the Rangers.  That it's OK to cheer for them because that's her home team.  I had to let go a little bit of my 5 year old daughter and let her spread her little wings from the grip of her daddy.  Did you notice that I said a little?  She's still 5 years old ya know.  At least she didn't approach me and said that she likes Boston.  That would be grounds of her being kicked out of the will.

  Today's event made me realize something.  This is where I bring it back to God.  God allows me to spread my wings.  He allows the freedom of choice, and I choose Christ.  Do I fall?  You have no idea how hard I can fall.  But I try.  I try to be a good dad like God is to me.  Whether Jurnee likes the Rangers, or the Yankees I will continue to love her unconditionally just like God loves me unconditionally.