God is still alive. The Bible says that He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. Believing that, I still know that God still speaks to us through His word, through people and through dreams. My dad died when I was 20 years old. I still remember the events leading up to the moment I was told. I was stationed at Altus AFB in Oklahoma. It was April 19, 2000. A Wednesday night. I had an evening shift at work but requested about 2 hours off so I could attend church. My best friend, D, was speaking that night since our Pastor was on vacation. My buddy, just separated from the Air Force and was working as a civilian on the base. After church I headed back to work. As soon as I got settled back in, I started to get the simulator ready to train my trainee. My trainee came up to me and asked me if everything was ok. I said yes and asked him why. He told me that the First Sergeant, the Commander, and the Chaplain had been calling up at work. I just laughed him off and said, "Sure glad it isn't about me." I told my trainee we needed to get back to training. Just then my buddy, who preached that night at church, and who was now a civilian, entered the RAPCON. I didn't really pay any attention to it since I just saw him and since it hadn't been that long since he stopped working there. About 10 minutes later the Assistant Chief Controller asked me to come into the office.
The news just hung in the air after I was told my dad died. We didn't know anything more since my dad was working for the Department of Defense in Italy. My mom and sister were stateside because my baby sister had to get MedEvac'd back to the states because she had overdosed on some drugs. My other sister was the one who found my dad dead on the bathroom floor and called for help. She had just gotten back from a little trip to Amsterdam. My grandfather, a retired Navy Master Chief, called the American Red Cross to have them break the news to me. I understand because all the emotions were raw. My mom took an emotional beating because she was not there with my dad. My sisters took an emotional beating because of all the events that surrounded his death. And as for me, I was just numb. I didn't know what to do, what to say or even what to feel. The last time I saw my dad was when I was in Air Traffic School in Mississippi. I was 18 years old.
The Dream. Before the news of my dads death I had a dream the weekend before. In my dream my dad died of a virus. I woke up suddenly, sweaty and my heart beating fast. After I got my bearings I realized that it was only a dream. I went back to bed and had the exact same dream. It seemed so real that when I woke up I felt sad and empty on the inside. I called my dad that morning. He was in Italy and when he answered the phone I could tell he had been drinking. I called my dad to tell him that I loved him and that I forgave him for the abuse and for everything. He just laughed in a drunken manner and said he loved me too. Three days later he was dead. I believe in all my heart that God gave me that dream in order for me to call my dad and have that conversation with him. I believe with all my heart that if my dad had died and I didn't talk to him and told him that I forgave him that I would have been more messed up than I was.
My best friend, D, would't let me be alone in the dorm room that night and told me that I would be staying with him and his family. I had to prepare for a trip to Va. Beach. My dads body was being flown from Italy to Dover AFB and then down to Va. Beach. I had to catch a flight, and I had two great friends, Steve and Angela that sacrificed their time to drive me to Tinker AFB in Oklahoma City so I could catch a military flight. Needless to say, the first plane never landed at Tinker. It just kept on flying to Va. The only other ride I could get was on a C-5 and that plane was going to Dover. I had no choice but to take it. Before I left, D had prayed with me and told me to read the book of Ecclesiastes. That was the best advice I could have received at the time. I read that book in the bible...twice. If you just lost someone, or just going through a rough spot in life, I plead with you to read Ecclesiastes.
When I arrived at Dover I met my mom, sister, and my Uncle. It was a rough homecoming. It was awkward and I was still numb. The next morning I was asked to give the Eulogy. But what do I say about a man, whom I grew to detest because of the way I was treated growing up even though I told him I forgave him? What do I say about a man whom I hadn't seen or really spoken to for two years? I prayed. I prayed for guidance, strength, and wisdom. I didn't want to lie, but I also wanted to show love and mercy. When I gave the eulogy I remember standing in front of everyone but I don't remember what was said. I remember having written notes, but I don't remember what was on them. I just know that what I said were words that God gave me, I honored my dad by not lying, but by speaking God's truth.
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