(This is a continuation of the previous posts.) Questions began to form. Would my parents divorce? They did not, but our house would never be the same. Every argument my mom and dad for years later, he would call her names such as “slut” and “whore”. This is something that we should not have been exposed too. My distrust in women I believed stemmed from this episode. I have prayed that God protect me and help me, but there were times in my life where I started to think that my girlfriends were cheating on me, and I have tried hard to guard against that in my marriage. I recognize what the enemy has tried to do, and by making me doubt things in my marriage will cause a domino effect. All of us have this shape in our hearts and souls. It is a Jesus size hole that we can only fill with the love, grace, and forgiveness of Jesus, the one and only living God. But for years I had tried to fill that hole with the love from women.
I bring us back to the moment when I have the gun in my shaky hand. It is a Saturday night and I cry out to God. I remember crying for Jesus to save me. It was as though the darkness around me lifted and I was aware of everything around me. I pick myself off the beach, drive back home and place the gun back in the safe. I don't sleep that night and get up the next morning and drive myself to church. After the sermon the pastor gives the invitation and I walk out in complete faith and give myself over to God. I wish I could say that from that moment on life has been easy, but it has not. And if you think you need to be "good" or do good "works" to get to Heaven, than you are mistaken. The gift of Salvation is FREE. That's right. Free. Jesus was beaten and nailed to a cross for my sins. For your sins. Romans 3:23 "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." Romans 6:23a "...The wages of sin is death..."Romans 6:23b "...But the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord."Romans 5:8, "God demonstrates His own love for us, in that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us!"
You see. I can't make this stuff up. The TRUTH is so much better than any Testimony that I may have. Pray for God to come into your life and guide you. It's just that easy.
I have been asked in the past to share my testimony with the church. Mainly with youth kids. There is something that actually bothers me. In the Church, no matter what denomination, it feels as though it's "He who has the best testimony wins." It shouldn't be like that at all. We shouldn't glorify those that did drugs, cheated, killed, or lied and then turn their life over to Christ. We should praise God for the turnaround, but My testimony, or others that you may have heard in past means that we have had it any harder than you. Let me share a story. After I shared my testimony with a fairly large youth group, a young girl about 12-13 years old approached me with tears in her eyes. After talking with her in front of the stage, she shared with me that she wished she had a testimony like me because her testimony is that she was born and raised in a Christian home, with both parents still married, and she became a Christian at age 11. I was heartbroken. I told her that that was the testimony to have, not mine. Do you realize how difficult it is to be a Christian in schools these days? To constantly feel attacked? To be joked and put down? To constantly debate with teachers or friends about Christ's love?
I am no one important. I am just a man. A man who loves Christ, who loves his family, who continues to make mistakes, and continues to seek God.
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